Listen to get what you want, says ex-Secret Service agent
- Evy Poumpouras, an ex-Secret Service agent, emphasizes listening to gain insights into others' motivations.
- She warns against the common misconception that talking more grants control in conversations.
- Effective influence relies on understanding and aligning others' needs with your own objectives.
In a discussion centered around effective communication, Evy Poumpouras, a former Secret Service agent who has protected multiple U.S. presidents, emphasized the importance of listening over talking. With over a decade of experience, Poumpouras shared insights from her time spent in high-pressure situations. According to her, many believe that speaking the most leads to control, but she argues that this is fundamentally flawed. Instead, active listening allows one to uncover others' motivations, which vary from respect and safety to personal needs and desires. By understanding these motivations, one can better persuade or influence others effectively. Poumpouras highlighted that genuine engagement means giving others the space to express themselves, enabling revelations about their perspectives. This approach is not limited to professional settings but extends to personal relationships and even social interactions. Many individuals unconsciously make conversations overly self-centered, neglecting the value of truly hearing others. Evy Poumpouras advises that when someone claims, 'Trust me, I know what I'm doing,' it is often the opposite of trustworthy. Furthermore, she noted that non-verbal cues, such as body language and gestures, play a critical role in communication. Observations like nodding or crossing arms provide insight into how a message is being received. If a listener shows engagement, it indicates the message resonates, while defensive postures signal disagreement or discomfort. For Poumpouras, honing these observational skills is essential for anyone looking to navigate complex social dynamics successfully. Ultimately, her reflections provide valuable guidelines for various interactions, whether in professional circumstances or personal connections, promoting a more empathetic approach to communication. By drawing from her unique experiences, she equips individuals with tools that are beneficial across different contexts, moving from mere talkers to true communicators.